It's just a normal day
Like any other day
For this person and that
Nothing unusual, in any way

HA! So you say!!
There you are, just an innocent shopper
Not a worry in the world
THEN!!! Oh My Gosh!!
Across the aisle you've been hurled!!

"Attention Shoppers
Attention Please!
May we have your attention?!
We thought we should announce
And just make mention ...."

"We have spotted .....
She's vicious, she's crazy
Gracious, she's not
She could start a brawl ..
And in the middle, you'll be caught!!"

Yes, I have hit the mall
On a little shopping spree
And I have taken along
Me and Me and JUST Me!!
Because ....
Me, Me and Me ALWAYS agree!!

You can easily pick Me out, from all others there
I'm the one fumbling around, with bags galore
And do you know why?
I've only been hitting each and every store

I can't get past a doorway
No, I don't JUST "Window Shop"
Nothing I NEED, only everything I want
No breaks here, because I don't stop!

Oh LOOK at that Teddy bear
I don't have one, to my recollection
Well, I just think
I'll start a "Teddy Bear" Collection!!

So every store I hit
From here to there
I seek out to find
Each and every Teddy Bear

And in my quest for Teddy Bears
My attention is pulled to the right
Someone is holding something
That has caught my sight....

A MUSIC BOX, how pretty
This is something I can't miss
Let me think
Do I have one at home like this?
OH, SO WHAT if I do
I'll just have TWO!

My attention, now, drifts away from Teddy Bears
"Oh that lady better put that music box down"
'Cause I want THAT one
And how many more, can be found?!?!

Already filled up five bags of Teddy Bears ....
I can't carry all this around ...
Can't keep up my pace, fast and far
I need to drop this load
Out in the car

Now, not a bag in hand
Back in the mall
Which store did I leave off at
I can't recall?

Oh Well, doesn't matter
I'll just start at store, one
'Cause I need a collection of music boxes
Before this day is done

Filled four bags of pretty musical sounds
"Whoa Nelly, LOOK at those SHOES!!
You can never have too many
'Cause shoes you can ALWAYS use

I need a pair to match my Violet dress
Or is it more of a blue?
Well, this color looks close
But, that color does too

So I'll get them both
One will surely match!
But first I need to go to the car
And unload this "Music Box" batch

Now, where was I
Oh Well, it doesn't matter
I'll just start at store one
Shopping for shoes
Is so much fun!!

Back to the Violet dress
Four pairs of shoes I've already bought
OOO THAT lady's trying a pair
And I like THAT pair, a lot!!!

Cause THOSE shoes are more of a
Purple, Violet, Blue combined
I just HAVE to have those
'Cause another pair, like that, I won't fined...

It's a good thing, she put them down
I hope they're my size
I'll still get them, though
Cause they match my eyes....
(I can justify any purchase, you know!)

Well, now I've got ten pairs
Or was it twelve, more or less
I just know one of these will match
My Violet dress!

I think I need a matching purse
OH, and matching belt too
With earrings to match each necklace
To match each shoe

But guess what...
Yep, you've guessed right
Back to the car
To unload these last "Bundles of Delight!!"

Hours and hours of shopping
Without even a pause
Ten, or is it twelve pairs of
purplish, bluish violet earrings
And I threw in a red pair for,
"Just Because"

Five? Six? Seven? belts,
With a necklace to match each earring
And wouldn't you know
I even got purses to match
Every color in the rainbow....

And don't forget about
The Teddy Bears and music boxes too
I still grabbed a few more of each
If one came into my view

The Manic is headed for home....
How do I sneak all this stuff inside
I gotta find a place
Where, each bag, I can hide....

Now if you were to ask
What did I buy on, "Mall Shopping" days....
I don't have a clue
Cause in the bags, everything stays

Not one thing returned
Or exchanged, oh my ....
Get rid of my "Stuff?"
I'd surely die

So there's my 50 million bags
Of all my mall escapades
Maybe I'll look at what I bought
One of these days!

But that was before ....
I had no medication to get me through
So now, I've calmed down, a lot
I only shop when I absolutely need too.

And the "Stuff?"
Has all been sold at yard sales!!
Music boxes, Teddy Bears,
Flower Pots, Plants,
Sets of Dishes, Baby Dolls,
Shoes for Fun and Dance

Big Pillows, Little Pillows,
Ceramic Figurines,
Picture Frames, Little Trains,
Pretty Boxes of Pretty Things

Ribbons and Bows, Rings for toes,
Bracelets for each wrist
Do you really want to hear it all?
It'd take hours to read the list!!

And someone else bought my stuff ....
At my yard sale ....
With ensembles that matched
(Even the Violet dress, I never wore)
Everything, still brand new...
With price tags still attached

And as I displayed each and every possession
I really do need to make a confession
I don't even remember buying this stuff
But I could have opened my very own store
'Cause I had enough

Stay tuned for my next "Installment" here
I haven't even started on ...
Buying "A" gift for someone else ...
OR ...
My hobbies and crafts, yet
I know, you may ask.....
Holy Cow, How Much Worse, Can This Get?!?!

Well, here's a little secret ....
Between you and me ....
I'm surprised my family didn't just lock me up
and throw away the key!!

I added the red flashes and this type of music for a reason....
Actually, I would have had MORE flashes, bells and whistles
and much faster music playing....
(that would have been more true to form)
And if I had added more flashing and sounds, like I wanted too,
you would not have been able to concentrate and read ....
I wanted you to get the sense of a manic brain on overload...

And that's the key, concentration ....
My brain never stayed in one place long enough to concentrate
and make common sense decisions,
common sense reasoning and common sense talking.
Usually this was along with no sleeping for days.

Imagine yourself enclosed inside a tunnel,
with lights flashing all around you
loud fast music blasting from every corner
AND you have gone 36 hours with no sleep...
But, feeling you don't need sleep ....

Only, in reality, in a manic episode, everything around you
may be quiet, but your brain is reacting like it's
in that tunnel of flashes and loud music.
That's where the anger and rage came from ....
Something is really irritating you and you have
no idea what it is....It's your brain in top notch
stimulation ... The brain has conjured up all this

And with all this you still think you're the normal acting one
and everybody else doesn't know a thing in the world
and they have no idea what they're talking about!
And if they dare try to step in your path and stop you
they will pay for it. Because remember ....
A manic knows it all, does everything perfect,
is not open to suggestions.
They ARE perfect and "incapable" of making mistakes
(so they think) and if
they want to spend $1,000 on one dress and never wear it
or never even remove the price tags, then what's wrong with that?
We don't justify our behavior because we see nothing wrong.
This is how manic affected me ... Some people are worse and
some people are not as bad....

I do not put this here so everyone can now try and diagnose
a family member or friend as Bi-polar ...
Only a Doctor can do that....
And PLEASE do not think that everybody that has a special
collection of Teddy bears, or music boxes, or whatever..
has this disorder ....
That does NOT mean they are manic just because they
enjoy collecting something special ...
I was "way over the top" excessive in everything ....

And please, dear friends, I want you to realize, this was me
BEFORE.... I just want you to understand, if you have a friend
or family member that is Bi-polar, the way they act
and the things they do ...
Has NOTHING to do with you, or that you did something wrong.
All of my family didn't understand because we never even heard
of this illness.



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A Poem about MY life © 8/9/06
All poetry on this site is written by
Kathryn Sunday Davis
Unless otherwise noted on the page.

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